During this time of coronavirus quarantine, I finally accomplished something that God had placed on my heart back in December of 2019, and I cannot even begin to detail to you how thrilling this journey has been. I have shared limited snippets here and there on various social media platforms, but I decided it was time to share with my readers the complete, unadulterated story. Yes, this will probably be a lengthy tale, but if this inspires one person to reignite their God-given passions, then I am convinced it has been more than worth it.

Me as a toddler

First and foremost, music has always been and always will be a major part of my life. I am reminded of the ABBA song that contains the following lyrics: “Mother said I was a dancer before I could walk. She said I began to sing long before I could talk.” Okay, so the dancing part…I’ll mention that later, but the singing part is definitely me. My understanding is that before I was even a year old, my mom would take me to choir practice (she was a church choir director, pianist, and organist at various times, though she refuses to call any of those her talents), and as I sat in the playpen, she said I would sing along. Granted, I do not remember that, but it does sound like something I would do. I cannot recall a time in my life when music was not a significant part of it.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

My earliest music recollection is from a time when I was around four, I guess, and my dad recorded a cassette tape of me singing “The Old Rugged Cross.” I don’t know how well I remember the actual recording session. I think I have a snippet of a memory, but I remember finding the cassette when I was older and listening to it. No doubt, it’s long gone now. I grew up in a Conservative Baptist Church, and we always sang out of the hymnbooks. I remember looking at the program and marking the various hymns we were going to be singing throughout the service. I was an early reader, so hymns were an amazing vehicle for me. In children’s church, we learned the fun kid’s songs that I’m sure most church kids were singing in the 1980s. I never backed away from singing. I could tune out a message or even sleep through the sermon, but singing was the part that stimulated my spirit.

me around age eight

There was a time during which my parents were divorced, and my mother, my brother and I lived near my grandparents in my mom’s hometown (Long Beach, Washington), and for the two years I was in school there (kindergarten and first grade), I took ballet. Oh my goodness!! Talk about bad memories!! The first year, we had a fun teacher, but the gentleman who replaced her was rather severe, and I literally detested ballet after that year! I remember my mom continuing to take me to lessons despite my futile attempts to convince her otherwise. All I can say is that ballet dancers DO NOT get enough credit! That discipline is extraordinarily tough, and I can’t even believe I ever did that.

Amazingly, God brought my parents back together, and their second wedding (I was the flower girl, and my brother was the best man) was an explosion of music. In fact, I remember deciding right then and there that when I finally did get married, I purposed to have a musical wedding just like that. This remarriage did cause us all to move back to Tacoma, Washington, and I began going to a Christian school. My mom actually gave me a choice between taking ballet and taking piano lessons. There was never any third choice that gave me no choice of extracurricular activities. Well, you can guess what I jumped at! I can remember to this day not even having to think about my decision and almost cutting her off before she was done speaking. And so I began taking piano lessons.

Image by Kate Cox from Pixabay

It makes sense that I excelled at the piano. During my first two years, I had a teacher who didn’t truly provide challenging lessons for me, and piano was almost a joke it was so easy. However, by the time I was in fourth grade, I had a new teacher who suddenly realized I needed a challenge, and as a result of her rigorous curriculum and instruction, I became one of her top piano students all the way up through eighth grade. While I loved the piano (I practiced on an antique piano that was beautiful, but oh so heavy and was rarely in tune.), one of my most prominent complaints was my small hands (a problem that surprised my piano teacher in college as well) because it hampered my ability to reach over an octave (eight notes) with my fingers. Regardless, I thrived under the demands presented in these lessons, and for the most part, I faithfully and consistently practiced.

Image by Dieter_G from Pixabay

In addition to this, I was still singing. We were required to take music in school, and we put on programs regularly. I was always one of the loudest singers (not because I tried to be, but that’s the nature of my voice), and all too often, I was told to sing more quietly by both students and teachers alike. I always auditioned for the solos, but most of the time, I was overlooked…especially in seventh and eighth grade. I had a choir teacher who seemed to consistently single me out because my voice was too mature, and despite my attempts to blend in, I could not do it to her (or anyone else’s) satisfaction. It was not until my eighth-grade year when she took me aside and told me that I had a nice voice, and she merely needed me to back off that I was able to realize I was actually in the wrong.  Finally, she had bestowed the praise upon me that I so desperately needed, and even at my tender age, I realized I was harboring bitterness in my heart against her. I told my mom that I had to forgive this teacher for how I felt she had treated me over the past couple of years (something my mom struggled to do) because I knew it was what God would have me do. After all, it wasn’t going to do me any good if I clung to my anger and hurt I was holding against her.

In high school, I soared in the area of music. For those four formative years, I had an old-school choir director who challenged me beyond what I ever knew I needed or wanted. From my first day of high school, he drew me aside and was ready to promote me to the next choir level. Sometimes, he was a bit abrasive, but I never doubted how much he cared about each of us. And you only wanted to please this man even when he yelled at the choir and ranted and raved to get us all to do a better job.

Image by Hans Braxmeier from Pixabay

Well, there was a special choir in high school that only the elite singers had the opportunity to join. Most of the time, girls only got into the group in their senior year, and the audition process was brutal. Not only did you have to sing, but you had to–guess what–dance!! And even though I took ballet (ugh!), I couldn’t dance to save my life! I couldn’t even sway to a song. I had absolutely no sense of rhythm. Therefore, even though I auditioned for this prestigious choir as a sophomore in high school, I didn’t get in. I was satisfied with that, but it also was an opportunity for my choir teacher to step in and encourage me in a way no one had dared to previously.

You see, when I was in seventh grade, I was convinced I was going to be a schoolteacher. However, God called me to music that very year. For six months, I dared to tell God “no.” In fact, I presented Him options I could do instead. I suggested that I could be a writer, a librarian, or who knows what else? Thankfully, He refused to give up. In fact, while I don’t remember what day I ultimately gave in, I remember the moment. I finally said, “Okay, God, I’ll be a singer.” And I suddenly had a peace I hadn’t known for six months!

Image by Jorge Guillen from Pixabay

You may think that after this that I would consider taking voice lessons, but the answer to that was a categorical “NO.” To my detriment, I had read one of Barbra Streisand’s biography, and she didn’t take voice lessons, so why should I? (Could I have been any more arrogant??) But I had four or five hundred records to which I listened regularly, and my parents bought a multitude of background trax for me to perform at church, school, home, etc. Voice lessons were not something I felt I needed. I was going to be the next Sandi Patty, after all. (I really would love to roll my eyes at my younger self!)

That particular high school choir director of mine responded to a letter my mom wrote to him asking what I should do if I wanted to become a singer. Interestingly enough, he wrote back recommending both dance lessons and voice lessons! (He wanted me in that special choir, after all.) And being the good student that I am, I did both. I took a community dance class for a few months (sometimes I was the only member of the class), and I suddenly learned that I had rhythm. I just didn’t know how to use it. I will be forever grateful to that woman who taught me. She had no idea she was teaching a future choreographer! (Neither did I!)

My senior picture

I had a fantastic voice teacher during my last two years of high school. She even has the dubious distinction of singing at my wedding! (Yes, I had that musical wedding of which I had dreamed, but sadly, that marriage had to end due to mental illness on his part.) She was a lovely person who invested plenty of extra time with me because she saw my potential. She once described it to me this way. “Ruth, you have lots of natural talent. People who study music don’t often have the degree of natural talent you have, and it is those people who often apply themselves and study very hard. As a result, they may be the ones who eventually surpass those with natural talent because too often, those with natural talent tend to get lazy and rest on their talent.” She knew it would be simple for me to rest on my laurels and not devote the time and effort necessary to succeed and exceed expectations. Praise be to God that I heeded her advice, and she helped me more than she may ever have known. (I wish I could have told her I went to Carnegie Hall this past December. She and another of my voice teachers were the first people I thought about as I was preparing to go.)

Another Senior picture

Needless to say, in my senior year, my dream of being in this select choir came to pass. I will never forget the day I found out. Though I was still practically a choreographer’s worst nightmare that year, I became one of the best members of that group. And I made friends that to this day, I still know in some form or fashion. It was because of this group that I went to New York City (this was pre-“911”) and saw my first Broadway musical, The Phantom Of the Opera. (I could spend an entire series of posts discussing this musical’s influence on my life.) I entered a music contest there and came in second (another long story), and I remember the judge saying that he fully expected to see me again. And that was the moment that changed the course of my life. As we were leaving New York, as cheesy as this sounds, I still remember looking at the city and singing to myself the song “New York, New York,” but I changed the words to reflect the fact that I would be back. I was now convinced I was going to go to college, study music, and come back to New York as an aspiring musical theater star. After all, Sandi Patty had cheated on her husband and gotten a divorce, so I didn’t need to be her any longer. (Um, I hate to say how judgmental I was back in the day.)

My college career was another fascinating time in my life. Yes, I studied music. I fell in love. I got married. I graduated a semester early. I had plenty of wins along the way and a few obstacles to overcome as well. But the most significant lesson I learned happened right before I headed off to college.

Yet another senior picture

I was a part of a singing contest, and I made it all the way to nationals, which just happened to be taking place in Portland, Oregon. We went that year, and at this point, my college plans were already solidly in place. I would be attending Southeastern College of the Assemblies of God in Lakeland, Florida. (Yes, I went from Washington state clear to other side of the U.S., a route I know God has in mind for me because I wouldn’t be here today had I not done that.) At this contest, which was sponsored by the Assemblies of God Church, many of the college scouts from the Assemblies of God colleges would attend this competition to meet with prospective students. Since I had participated the previous year, I was able to meet with our local college. Then I advanced to nationals in Texas, so I was well aware of the process. I met the two men who represented the music faculty of the college I would be attending, and they did offer me a meager scholarship for four years, which was helpful. However, all the contestants knew that the winner of the competition would receive a sizable scholarship covering the first year (or maybe it was all four years…I forget now) at any of the church’s colleges. I didn’t expect to win, but I had high hopes.

Interestingly enough, the winner happened to be a young lady who was going to be attending the same college I was going to be attending in Florida! When I realized that, I was a tad disappointed, but it was not until I arrived at college when I witnessed the way she was treated that I struggled with a major bout of jealousy.  I am actually friends with this lovely woman now, but do understand that I was rather tired of being passed over in my life! This freshman came in with an effortlessly beautiful voice, but she had virtually no musical training. For those who think that majoring in music is a piece of cake, let me tell you nothing could be further from the truth! By the time you get to the second year, at least half of the students have dropped out because of all the music theory, sight-singing, and other classes that are required. Without my piano background, I never would have survived!

Lakeland, Florida (Image by linda4n from Pixabay)

Because this girl and I were both music majors, we had many of the same classes together. She and I didn’t run in the same circles (She was a Florida native, and I was only one of two individuals from Washington state at that college.), but I saw the accolades that were heaped upon her. Unfortunately, it became self-evident that she had virtually no musical training other than voice lessons and perhaps a working knowledge of some music reading. It was tempting to enjoy her distress, and yet God instructed me to confess my jealousy and begin to pray that God would bless and prosper her. Because of my past experience, I typically didn’t question God even when what He was asking didn’t make sense. I knew this lovely girl was struggling, and so I prayed. And as they say, praying for that person doesn’t always change the person, but it changes you. By the end of that first year, this poor girl had failed classes and almost didn’t make it. I honestly wasn’t sure if she would be back, and it truly did make me sad.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

That second year of college was one in which I worked hard to attain some notice. I finally had some recognition, and I was in the top choir on campus. And interestingly enough, this girl and I became acquaintances. We were in the same choir, and we both sang soprano, so it makes sense we would be in an association of sorts. I think we kind of knew each other from the first year, but I no longer saw her as a threat, and God had caused me to become favorably disposed towards her. I will never forget the night that she and I were in the college van together coming back from one of the choir performances. For some reason, we got to talking about music and she recounted her travails with the classes and requirements. It was extremely difficult for her to have to repeat some of these classes, and while she was a dynamic singer, those were the arduous classes. As we got to talking, I validated her quite a bit. Music theory and math are very much the same, and I was grateful that I went through Calculus in high school because I believe that helped me to succeed in those classes. So while I was getting A’s in these music courses, I could understand her frustrations. And do you know what she said to me? She wished she could be like me! Go figure! I had grappled with being jealous of her the first year, and all this time, I ended up being the one who was thriving and whom she wished to emulate!

Image by ballardinix from Pixabay

Well, unfortunately, this girl dropped out that second year, but that afforded me an even more compelling opportunity that I have never forgotten. I am a classically-trained singer, and one of the arias I learned was from a German opera. It just so happens that this young lady left days before a concert where she was supposed to perform that very aria! Four days before the concert, I got a call from my choir professor saying that they needed me to perform the aria in her place. I think I had mentioned that I knew the aria. (However, I knew it in German, not English!) I quickly learned the aria in English (The translation was one of the most ridiculous I had ever read!), and I performed that song with a group who had been studying in a class known as an Opera Workshop! In fact, the professor of that course had to give me a few stage directions. Oh my goodness, I loved it! I had missed out on ever being in a musical while in high school. (It was supposed to happen our senior year, but the new principal shut it all down before it could even start.) And this just solidified the fact that once I graduated, I knew I was going to be involved with musical theater. Somehow.

Image by Ri Butov from Pixabay

Once I graduated, God redirected me again. I was married at the time, and my then-husband didn’t share any of my aspirations. But I applied to the master’s degree program in a couple of universities in Illinois (he was from there), and neither one came to fruition. And thus began my career as a music teacher, something I never intended to do. I honestly relished teaching those students, and we put on the biggest and best productions. I worked at both Christian and public schools. I even got to be a choreographer and vocal director of some well-known musicals at one of the schools, but in the end, I found myself disenchanted. I never felt supported musically in the way I thought I should be, and because I was incessantly thinking outside the box…let’s just say, I tended to create more waves than those around me. No matter what,  I found myself beating my head against the proverbial brick wall and never really getting anywhere with these kids. Music began to change, and I found myself disillusioned.

Image by Thanks for your Like • donations welcome from Pixabay

During this time, I still typically participated in church choirs. In fact, I wouldn’t join a new church if there was no choir because I needed a place where I could sing and continue to use these gifts God had bestowed upon me. All too frequently, I permitted my talents to be squelched by those who should have been closest to me. My then-husband no longer enjoyed hearing me sing; he preferred that I be quiet. And later on, another friend who initially supported me likened my voice to that of a squealing cat. I was belittled by students, other educators, supposed friends…and I just found myself withdrawing more and more as the years went by.

Image by ddzphoto from Pixabay

I will never forget the day when I was in a church, awaiting the beginning of the service. I had sung in the choir of this church previously, but for whatever reason, I wasn’t singing that morning. I remember standing there and hearing God distinctly say, “Ruth, will you give up your music?” I remember thinking that was an odd request for God to make. Music was the passion of my life. What would I do if I didn’t sing? But as a mature Christian, I said, “Yes, God, I’ll give it up.” And for the next fifteen years or so, that is exactly what happened. I still sang along with the congregation. I would put on CDs and sing at the top of my lungs and I was out running errands or traveling t work. I raised a daughter who loves to sing and has been in choir her whole life. I’d occasionally upload a music video on YouTube, but it never felt right. It would only be for a specific purpose, and all too regularly, people complained, so I figured I just wouldn’t continue to pursue it. Unless the topic came up, I just didn’t talk about music.

Supernatural Convention 2018 with my daughter, Martha, & David Haydn-Jones

On occasion, as the years progressed, I got to teach some music classes. Now and then, people would notice my singing and remark about the strength and beauty of my voice, but I merely dismissed it to the point that sometimes I wondered if I ever was a vocal major. It just seemed that it was better to let that part of my life go, and I was convinced that I was permanently relinquishing this gift God had given me. I still kept giving “private concerts” in my car as I would drive by myself various places, but in many ways, I decided my voice was more of a liability than an asset.

It’s interesting how God works, isn’t it? I remember when I first began conducting interviews. Most of the time, the person had no actual musical background, but on occasion, we would make a connection where we could talk about music, and I know that I glowed in a special way when that happened. I am incredibly grateful that God gifted me in my writing, and I was quite pleased to invest the time developing another talent that had perpetually been an integral part of my life, and if that allowed me the opportunity to minister to others, I was willing to do this for the rest of my life.

I am intrigued to remember how the first time I ever interviewed Paul Greene, I knew about his musical interests. I don’t remember if I had heard him sing, or if I just knew that was something else he truly savored. But I made it a point to initiate the conversation about music and let him talk about it since I knew it was a love of his. In so doing, I mentioned to him my musical background, but again, I didn’t really bring it to the forefront. That was a talent that served no practical purpose in my current life, and as much as I aspired to mention it, I knew it wasn’t the right time.

When I attended my first Hearties Family Reunion–as evidenced by this video–I heard Paul sing Hallelujah. By this time, I had heard him sing a few times, and come to think of it, that may have been the first song I ever heard him sing online. I knew the chorus, so I made it a point to sing along. And sing along, I did. I got some very strange looks even though I tried to be as quiet as I could be. I recall how I longed to tell Paul when I saw him later about this singing I did, but I just couldn’t get the exact words out to make it clear. I was still so very tight-lipped about my music. All I said was that I sang the song way too loud, and he said that was the best way to sing…or something like that. Regardless, I let it go, and again, I moved on without picking up my singing yet again.

Time passed, and I recognized the fact that Paul was beginning to sing more and play his guitar.  Remember how I mentioned my judgmental nature? When it came to music and singing, I regularly analyzed the voices of the musicians to whom I would listen. Because I grew weary of the way my critical nature demolished countless musicians for me, I made the decision to genuinely enjoy as much as music as I possibly could without the unrelentingly negative analysis, and Paul was the beneficiary of this mode of thinking. I recognized the talent he had for playing the guitar and writing songs, and it was pure bliss to watch and listen to him sing. As I followed his musical journey, I knew that the more he sang, the more robust his voice would become, and I was honored to be the friend and supporter he needed without permitting any sharp critiques to rear their ugly heads.

Carnegie Hall 2018

When he had the opportunity to go to Carnegie Hall a couple of years ago and perform at a special benefit concert, I was absolutely dumbfounded! If there was one place that was considered tops in the music world, it was Carnegie Hall. Of course, I was more fascinated with the classical musicians that had made their way there. I can even recall how one of my voice teachers had aspirations that not only would attend Julliard School of Music, but she no doubt, would have longed to have seen me performing at Carnegie Hall. I was never jealous of Paul’s successes. I think, more than anything, I was just blown away that such an unbelievable opportunity had dropped in his lap. He knew I was genuinely happy for him, and I made certain to let everyone know about how my friend, Paul Greene, was performing at Carnegie Hall. Watching his portion of that first concert was honestly so amazing for me because I knew that while he performed exceptionally well, it was clear that this was a new experience for him, and I felt he was still finding his footing there. Regardless, he had the entire concert hall singing along with him, and I know it was an experience that transformed him for life.

Photo Credit: Allan Sullivan

I cannot recall exactly when it happened, but I was listening to the official Hallmark Podcast The Bubbly Sesh one day, and they interviewed Paul. It was shortly after his phenomenal Carnegie Hall experience. As I listened to their interview, they suggested that it would be great to go to the concert and see him next year if he was going to go back. Well, he planned to go back, and suddenly, an idea was birthed within me. Why couldn’t I go to that Carnegie Hall concert in December of 2019 and watch Paul perform? I didn’t communicate my desire to anyone, but I waited to hear all the announcements and see how things might unfold.

In the meantime, Paul was already recording an album (What??), and I began to follow what he was doing very closely on that front. I remember when the date was finally announced for the album, and I tell you what, I was there. Totally!

And then something else happened. He announced a date for his CD release concert in LA, and he was inviting everyone to come. I remember the first thing I said to myself after reading that. “I’ve always wanted to go to a CD release concert.” And I remember responding to myself with, “What? When did I want to go to a CD release concert?” I used to follow the country music world fairly closely, and I would hear about these CD release concerts that would occur, and I often wished I could go. And here was an opportunity. That except for the grace of God, I almost let pass me by.

I’ve detailed much of this period in this post here about my friendship with Paul, so I don’t wish to rehash that. But I believe I can fill in some of the musical things that were going on within me. I guess you would say that every time I watched and/or heard Paul sing, I studied him in all facets of his performance. He has this genuine knack of being able to relate with any kind of audience whether virtual, live, or recorded, and he possesses a calm demeanor as well as an unbridled passion that exudes from him when he performs. While he is an impeccably gifted actor whose abilities have flourished even in the time I’ve known him, I would say that at times, his music may feed his soul even more than acting. Not to say that he prefers one to another because I don’t believe he would or even could give up either in favor of the other. But there is something about the way Paul sings that can only be experienced in a live concert, and once you’ve seen that spark, you suddenly have no desire but to listen to him, support him, and just drink in the very essence of each and every performance that he gives. In fact, I would say it’s not a performance with him; it’s a conversation. It’s an inspirational, motivational talk delivered through music. It is Paul at his most vulnerable and at his most fervent. And I know that those who fall under his inexplicable spell never recover.

Carnegie Hall December 2019

To make a long story short, I was sick with a pretty bad cold when I went to New York to see Paul play the Carnegie Hall Benefit Concert. (Let’s just say I’m especially glad the whole pandemic crisis wasn’t even an issue at this point because I know fully well I only had a cold, nothing more.) I was moved during that concert in a variety of ways, but one thing struck me in the middle of the concert. I knew that I would love to be part of something like this. I remember thinking at the time, “What? That could never happen!” But it wasn’t long till I began to nurture that very thought. On the way back home, I sent Paul a message about how he had inspired me to get back to music, but I didn’t know exactly how that was going to happen. And his advice to me then was to not think about it. Just create. Which was exactly what I needed to hear.

Once the new year came, I started preparing a song to perform on my YouTube channel. But whenever I got ready to record, it honestly sounded dreadful. I tried for two months to work on this song when I had time, but then Paul inspired me again when he wrote the words to “Climb Every Mountain” in one of his motivational posts.  I suddenly knew what song I was going to record, but finding the time to do it would prove to be an issue.

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

The months were passing, and a part of me thought, “Well, I don’t really have to record a video.” I mean, who was going to know? A few people might ask, but…

God had other ideas, I guess. Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that I am speaking quite soberly, and I mean nothing untoward towards anyone. I am not asserting that the current pandemic situation is a blessing by any means. Hundreds of thousands have died from this abhorrent virus, and I would never imply that God sent this virus which has brought untold death and destruction to be some sort of blessing to the world. However, I do believe that when a horrendous tragedy occurs, there can be unexpected miracles sent our way amid the untold suffering. I have heard such wonderful, heartfelt stories that tell me that in this coronavirus, God has not abandoned us. And on a personal level, God used this time to encourage and enable me to accomplish what He called me to do.

First of all, when the crisis began, I perceived it as my ticket to not recording any songs. After all, I couldn’t record songs when my family was around. So I just needed to sit tight and wait it out. That could be months, and maybe this meant I wouldn’t have to do anything with that music endeavor hanging over my head.

Image by Mabel Amber from Pixabay

Interestingly enough, God had other ideas. One day, my parents did have to tend to an essential errand in town. This meant that I had time to myself. Once I was aware of this, God prompted me to use this time to record and upload my video. I didn’t argue with God, but I wasn’t certain of how satisfactorily the final result would be. God was smiling upon me because I recorded “Climb Every Mountain” and uploaded it in record time. Following this monumental moment, I just had to sit and wait for the comments to come in. I was prepared for whatever people would say because this time, I was not going to be deterred. It felt amazing to record the song, and even though it wasn’t perfect, I was ready to face the criticism of one and all.

Now the moment of truth came. What did my social media followers and friends think of my video? Well, needless to say, I was pretty much blown away with the positive response. I was astounded and thrilled and touched by all the amazing things that people were writing. I felt as though my music had an unspeakable rebirth. But, I will admit, there was one person I wanted to hear from more than probably just about any other. He knew that I was going to be posting a video, but Paul hadn’t had a chance to listen yet. So, I summoned my courage and sent him the link.

Later that day, I received the kind of response that was beyond what I could have dreamed. Paul had watched the video, and as with most people, he probably wasn’t expecting the voice that came out of me. I will admit that I have a powerful voice that worked exceptionally well in operatic singing, but no matter what my voice teachers said, I never could quite understand how that voice could be used in other styles or genres. I tended to stick to the operatic style because that was how I’d been trained, and it was my comfort zone. Perhaps that isn’t Paul’s preferred style of music, but it was clear from his comment that he recognized the talent I possess.

Then something happened I didn’t see coming. He asked if I would be interested in taking voice lessons from his vocal coach. This was something I had not ever considered. The last time I had taken voice lessons, I was twenty-one, and now I was nearly forty-six. A part of me said, “Ruth, you don’t need voice lessons. You’re not going to be a professional singer. You took voice lessons for years, and you can do this on your own.” But another part of me was reminded of something an old college voice teacher said one time. Granted, this was a voice teacher I didn’t like all that much, but I guess I never forgot some of the things she said. She said that even she would take a voice lesson here and there and be brutally criticized for every little thing she was doing wrong. She knew she needed that to remain at the top of her game, and to be honest, she had a point. I am forever hearing from actors who say that they go back and periodically or regularly train in acting, so why would I not consider voice lessons?

As I was still pondering all this, I received yet another message from Paul stating that he wanted to make sure that I realized he wasn’t saying I needed voice lessons. He was just suggesting that as a way to help me along if I was interested. Well, I didn’t take any offense. The main thing I had to overcome was this. Over the past few years, I have been a stickler about how my money is spent in the realm of my artistic expressions and passions.  Every time I went on a trip, I ensured that it was a business trip in which I worked to combine together everything possible so I got the most from my money. If I could not justify spending money to increase my business experience and/or revenue, I tended to figure there was no point in pursuing any given path. And that was the problem. I wasn’t going to do anything professionally in regards to music. It was just one of my passions that I had let lie on a shelf gathering dust for a while, and I couldn’t think of any reason why voice lessons would help me in my current position.

Thankfully, God took the reins and reminded me of something. It is not always about spending money to further my business. I can spend money to develop the talents and passions that God has given me, and no matter what, it was acceptable to go forward. So, I agreed to the voice lessons, and I cannot thank Paul enough for this connection. In just three lessons, this particular vocal coach has given me more guidance and aid than I could have ever envisioned, and I feel as though a part of myself has come alive that has been dormant for far too long. The lessons are also a challenge, and I know that after each lesson, I am positively euphoric and on an adrenaline high that is reminiscent of my behavior whenever I sang way back when.

As I have now uploaded a few music videos, I have begun to dream and realize that God may have more consequential plans than I realized. Even after all these years, I still tend to fight against them. Everything from entering a talent competition to perhaps recording an album to maybe even becoming a musical director and/or promoter of sorts. God has placed a wealth of dreams in my heart and mind over the past couple of weeks that I am overwhelmed with ideas. I do not know for certain what may lie in the future, but there’s one thing I do know. Reconnecting with a gift that God has given me is one of the best things I could have ever done. I am open to even more possibilities, and who knows? Maybe one day I will find myself on a concert stage after all. Because after all, I do know that God granted a dream a few years back of befriending actors in a way I never would have dreamed. So who’s to say that God is not preparing me to be involved in music professionally in some way, shape, or form? All I know is that–again, to take the lyrics of a song that Sister Act transformed into a beautiful expression of love to God: “I will follow Him…follow Him wherever He may go. There isn’t an ocean too deep or mountain so high it can keep…keep me away. I must follow him…ever since He touched my hand I knew. That near Him I always must be, and nothing can keep Him from me. He is my destiny!”

with Paul
Carnegie Hall
December 2019

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