As I am still actively working to catch-up on this blog challenge, I love the fact that I get to post about this!! Such a great topic and I have plenty to say.

Let me begin by saying that I could be described as a solemn person for most of my life. The persona I projected to the world was the following:

“I am a no-nonsense woman who does everything perfectly and needs no one else in her life. While I enjoyed an occasional comedy now and then, the only kind of humor in which I might have actively engage is self-deprecating humor because I was in control of that kind of humor. To be laughed at is one of the worst things I could ever experience.”

Writing that is almost like writing about someone I once knew ages ago, and I cannot believe that was ever me. The intriguing thing is that in private, I DID have a sense of humor, and in the classroom, I could genuinely put my sense of humor on display. But in social gatherings…not so much. Maybe amongst close friends and family.

The relationships I have known in this world have always had the component of humor in varying degrees. Most of the time, the men I knew were more along the lines of ridicule that was veiled in “harmless humor” at the expense of others. But it was considered acceptable because it was a way of “not taking things so seriously.”

I honestly don’t know when things began to change for me in reality, but I’ll tell you something that kicked it into high gear. It is a moment I shall never forget, and I don’t mind sharing it. It is as crystal clear in my mind now as when it happened a little over a year ago.

December of 2019 was when I went to New York City and visited Carnegie Hall for the first time. There was a sweet lady I got to meet the night I attended Carnegie Hall. She and I connected immediately. Meghan and I hit it off well, and what a perfect night to connect as we watched the beautiful benefit concert at Carnegie Hall and went out with Paul Greene and a few others for drinks afterward. I have written about this night and possibly shared this story, but let me share a bit of a backstory here.

When working, I believed that I had to go out of my way to be professional and serious. I was charting my own course as a freelance entertainment journalist, and in order to be taken seriously, having a sense of humor is something I had to temper and not let run amuck. I was always kind and probably laughed at the “right” times, but I believed I always had to appear in control.

with Paul
Carnegie Hall
December, 2019

I had known Paul for a few years by this point, and he still holds the record for interviews on my site (is it eight or nine?). He had only ever seen me as sober and businesslike. It is not as though there had been much time to connect outside of a convention or interview setting.

Well, I guess that night was the first time I had been able to relax and enjoy myself. Meghan and I were having so much fun together, and of course, Paul’s sense of humor cannot fail to entertain…in any situation. When he told me that I needed to remember just how much fun I was having that night and encouraged me to do that more often, I had no earthly idea what he meant. I mean, I had fun, right? I had a sense of humor, right? I wanted to come up with every excuse for why he had not seen me like this before.

The “unmasking” of Ruth Hill began that night. Not that I was always thrilled about it! I resisted on many occasions. When I started to let others see who I really was and let my hair down, so to speak, it was a bit scary. In fact, the first time I hosted an event for Paul (who is now my employer), I remember thinking, “Now all his fans are going to see who I honestly am, and I hope it’s not highly unprofessional if they see me laughing.” I mean, now I’m so demonstrative and LOUD! Not that I cannot rein it in when I must, but laughter is a way of life for me now. I have been known to laugh at things that should have caused my blood to boil. I mean, why cry when you can laugh?!

While my comfort zone may be “serious, businesslike, and efficient,” I’m grateful that I no longer take myself as seriously as I once did. When I realize just how little I enjoyed this life, it seems as though I am watching a movie about someone else’s life! Who was that woman? Did she really exist???

Should I ever enter another romantic relationship, laughter is at the top of my list. And I mean REAL laughter, not the fake stuff for which I settled when I was younger. If you do not have a sense of humor, I do believe you miss so much in this life!!

By the way, there is nothing better than knowing someone appreciated my humor! To be honest, it can go to my head for a bit, and suddenly I see the world through rose-colored glasses, and I am invincible!!

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