Top 10 Things No One Tells You About Living In A Converted Factory

            Ah, urban renewal.  Suddenly that crumbling old factory on the outskirts of town isn’t an eyesore- it’s an opportunity for development.  After all, who doesn’t want to have a living room with holes in the floor left by 19^th century looms or have their bedroom in what was once two bathrooms?  The brochures for these places talk of the historical and artistic value of living in a converted factory, but there are some things the leasing office won’t tell you.

1. The Scent.

No matter when or where your factory was built, there’s a distinctive odor to it.  This smell is going to be equal parts mold, dust, and a hundred-plus years of feet, plus overtones of whatever heating method your factory chose to employ.  For my building, it’s mold, coal dust, 124 years of feet, and oddly enough, fabric softener.  Rarely is this going to be an overpowering or unpleasant smell, but it’ll hang in the background as an ever-present reminder of an aging dwelling.

2.  The Walls

Chances are that your factory is going to be made of brick.  This means you’re probably going to end up in an apartment with exposed brick exterior walls, with its accompanying brick dust. If you’re living in a pre-1970s factory, you also have the possibility of lead paint.  Your factory will have had all lead paint either removed or sealed by the EPA, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get a release form in your move-in packet.

3.  The Insulation, or Lack Thereof

Exposed brick may make you feel all warm and fuzzy when you look at it, but in the dead of winter, it’s far less heartwarming.  You’re not going to get gusts of wind blowing through your bedroom walls (at least, you really shouldn’t), but you’re not going to want to hang your robe on an exterior wall either.  You may also want to invest in some area rugs or fuzzy slippers for the morning commute to the coffee machine or thermostat.

4.  The Historians

If you’re really lucky, your factory will be on the Register of Historical Places.  This means that occasionally strangers will walk through the hallways, exclaiming about the cultural value of the exposed wooden support beams or taking pictures of the original hardwood floors.  It also means that your decoration options will be severely limited, as the brick that has withstood 124 years of weather may be deemed too fragile to support a picture frame.

5.  The Dirt

Even once you accept the brick dust, there’s at least a dozen other kinds of dirt in your factory to enjoy.  There’s coal dust, saw dust (for the former lumber mills), tar and gravel debris (from the 19^th century roofs),  concrete dust from unsealed floors, and the century of dirt in between the floorboards or concrete slabs, just to name a few.  Like the factory’s small, it won’t be ever present. But every once in a while, you’ll come across a pile of dirt that wasn’t there the day before.

6.  The Neighbors You Know

Remember the brick exterior walls from #3?  Chances are, the same holds true for your drywall interior walls.  When the leasing office tells you that your neighbors are very friendly, you’d better hope that’s true because you’re going to be hearing a lot from them, even if you never meet face to face.  It’s also important to remember that the walls works both ways- if you can hear them, they can hear you.

7.  The Neighbors You Don’t Know

Remember the historians from #4?  You’ll want to invite them over for tea and crumpets if your factory ends up on the Register of Historically Haunted Places.  Factories love big dangerous machines, and if your factory was in operation for more than 10 years before the turn of the 20^th century, chances are that at least one person fell into one of those big dangerous machines.  This means you’ve got at least one ghost for a neighbor, and that’s all it takes to bring out the ghost hunters.  Suddenly that chipmunk in the air duct isn’t a chipmunk, but the restless spirit of Silas VanDessen searching for his left hand, which was torn off by a loom in the vicinity of your dining room in 1886, and that’s definitely not going to be covered by your renter’s insurance.

8.  The Maintenance Man’s First Name

This is the nicest thing you’ll learn.  The maintenance man will become your best friend as he does everything from repairing the crumbling drywall around the sprinkler pipes, to replacing the light bulbs in the 20 foot ceiling, to reassuring you that there is no chipmunk in the air ducts and thereby proving the existence of a vengeful loom worker’s spirit.  If you’re lucky, he’ll also tell you stories about the factory’s true history.

9.  The Factory’s True History

Remember Silas VanDessen?  He’s going to seem like a walk in the park when you stumble upon the newspaper article detailing how the local mob chapter used your former fish factory as a storing place for excess bodies in the 1930s.  Even if you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ll start looking funny at that so-called “natural discoloration” on your concrete floors.  You’ll also probably stop reading the newspaper.

10.  The Total And Complete Awesomeness Of It

Twelve types of dirt, vengeful spirits, and chills aside, living in a former factory isn’t all terrible.  You’re going to be living in a place that has sheltered humans from the elements for decades, contributed to your city’s economy in a very meaningful way for many years, and quite frankly is going to be unlike any other apartment you’ll ever have.  The people who will become your neighbors are fundamentally cool people, as anyone who willing to risk bunking with a ghost is probably worth getting to know.  So fetch your broom, your fuzzy slippers, and your noise-canceling headphones- you’re lucky enough to be living in a converted factory.